The Four F Words That Keep Us From Experiencing Joy

God loves us and wants us to be joyful. In Joy of the Gospel, Pope Francis outlines the roadmap to experience true joy. He speaks of a profound sense of peace, belonging, and purpose compared to fleeting pleasures. However, the journey to joy can be detoured by four F-words: fight, flight, fawn, and freeze.

It is inherent in our human nature to seek comfort zones, places we perceive as safe. Often, we settle for these zones instead of pursuing real joy. Pope Francis challenges us to leave the comfort of the shore and engage with others. These encounters, especially when involving people on the margins of society, can cause substantial disturbance. They make us uncomfortable and prompt us to question our assumptions about what we've been told is good and normal. Sometimes we are the ones on the margins who cause a disturbance for others.

How we navigate those disturbances determines whether we move ahead towards transformation and joy, or return back to our comfort zones. In the Gospels, there are two contrasting stories of men who had to navigate the disturbance of encountering Jesus and the people he hung out with who were on the edges. The rich young man could not do it and returned home. Zacchaeus, however, came down from the tree and set upon a new journey that radically changed his life.

When confronted with challenges, fear, threat or stress, there can be four instinctive (and sometimes automatic) reactions that can come into play: fight, flight, fawn or freeze. These are the four F words are defined as:

1. Fight is the instinct to stand and defend one’s ground, often with assertiveness, anger, or even violence.
2. Flight is the urge to escape or run away from the threatening situation. 
3. Freeze happens when we become so overwhelmed and paralyzed by fear that we become immobilized and "freeze" in place, oftentimes shutting down.
4. Fawn is when we attempt to appease or please the threatening person or situation, often with submissive behavior that seeks approval or attempts to comply with the perceived threat. 

These evolutionary physiological and psychological mechanisms are responses that have helped us survive. We may have a tendency towards one over the others. The problem can be that they are often automatic, and we respond without thought, reflection, or intention. However, the disturbance of the encounter and the fear it produces can become a doorway. If we can overcome our tendency to simply react to the discomfort with the 4 Fs, we can move beyond it towards transformative joy.

This initial reaction to avoid encounters rather than engage is strong. For example, when encountering those with substantially different worldviews and political approaches, the instinct can be to fight and stand one's ground rather than to listen and engage in dialogue. When we encounter a homeless person, oftentimes our first reaction is to flee, literally crossing the street to avoid them instead of greeting them and starting a simple conversation. When it comes to climate change, it is so easy to become overwhelmed and shut down, in other words, to freeze, no pun intended. Finally, we can experience the instinct to fawn when confronted with an injustice. It seems safer to go along rather than speak up and confront power with truth.

Jesus tells his disciples numerous times to be more aware and to not be afraid. He encourages them to engage life to experience its fullness.  But how can we do that?

Using the "see, judge, act" methodology of Joy of the Gospel, provides a roadmap. It begins within our comfort zone when we become more aware of our context and reality. As we leave the comfort of the shore and encounter others we must navigate the disturbance. Do we succumb to the 4 Fs or do we engage? Reading these signs of the time through the lens of the Gospel, brings the Spirit into the mix as a catalyst for transformation. It gives us new eyes, a bigger heart, and a broader horizon of understanding. It provides the freedom to engage fully and accompany others. Relationships are forged, empathy develops and through solidarity a greater sense of purpose and meaning emerge, all producing profound joy. With joy, we are empowered to venture even further from our comfort zones into new encounters and greater transformations (act). 

Jesus reminds us that this transformation is not easy and can involve cost, and even loss. Sometimes the grain of wheat needs to die to produce more fruit. The good news is that it works, and we do not need to do it alone. In fact, following the example of Jesus, it happens best in community. As the proverb says, it may not be solely about the destination or the journey, as much as it is about who we encounter and who our companions are along the way.

Reflection Questions 

1. When faced with a fearful or stressful situation, what tends to be your natural instinct: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn? How has this instinct served you in the past? Conversely, how has it hindered your ability to engage more fully?
2. In situations where you've ventured outside your comfort zone, what has helped you fully engage? What are some ways in which you can be more aware and intentional when confronting fear or discomfort?
3. When have you found yourself on the margins? How did that create a disturbance for you or others? What was it like when someone accompanied you on the margins? What lessons do you have for those who are not on the margins you have experienced?
4. Share a story when you have left your comfort zone and discovered joy? How did that experience change your perspective?
5. Consider how the Spirit is calling you again (or for the first time) to step out of your comfort zone? What unexplored frontiers or peripheries might you be invited to embrace, potentially leading to transformative moments of joy?