Many decades ago I left the Midwest and moved to California because I knew I didn’t belong there. Although at the time I could not put my finger on why, I knew I didn’t quite fit in. The good folks in the Midwest place a high value on fitting it, so that was hard to ignore. Had I been more like my sister and brothers I probably would have stayed and enjoyed the lovely life they have built for them and their families.
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I was back in the Midwest recently for a family wedding and was reminded of this. And as much as I love my family and appreciate the culture there, I still don’t fit it. I now know better why, but when I go, I just try to blend in. I had planned to wear the standard uniform of gray pants, blue blazer and a “normal” tie. But the morning before I went to a street fair and stumbled on a wooden bow tie. I decided to lean into my being different and bought the bow tie and wore it to the wedding. It generated more than a few stares and comments. It didn’t fit it, but it felt right and reminded me that I could just be myself.
Taking pride in one’s uniqueness especially when it means not fitting in seems to be at the heart of what Jesus offered those of the edges of society. He reminded them, as we hear in today’s reading, that it’s “not that we have loved God, but that [God] loved us.” 1 Jn 4:7-16 Life is the journey of coming to know that it starts with the Creator loving us. And yet we struggle to love ourselves for being the person God created us to be. Instead we try to contort ourselves to fit into boxes that aren't us. When we can let go of this and accept ourselves for who we are meant to be, loving others comes naturally.
The people Jesus hung out with, and the members of the early Christian communities in the first centuries, were often the misfits who didn’t belong and were excluded and made to feel shame about themselves. But they took his message to heart and believed that they were lovable people in God's eyes. Empowered by this awareness, they formed communities with others on the edges to support and celebrate their inherent dignity and worth.
What is a shame, is that somewhere along the way, so-called “Christian” communities became the opposite of that and worried more about conformity and excluding misfits. But the message of Jesus remains, “love is brought to perfection in us” when we embrace that God loved us first, just the way we are. When we do that, we are able to do what Jesus did. We can first love and accept them for who they are without trying to make them fit in. This can create the space for them to love and accept themselves, which in turn allows them to offer that love to others. And thus, the mission of Jesus continues and is passed on as he hoped.
Matt Dulka is the Associate Director for Maryknoll's Mission Formation Program
